One of my closest friends writes beautiful poetry and over six months ago she read out one of poems to our circle of friends. I don’t remember the name of the poem or much of the content but I do remember one line so clearly – there are so many things that I’m not, but there are so many things that I am.
This one line has been resinating with me for months. However, it is only now that I’m realising why it’s been of such a high significance to me. While at my core I believe I am the same person, on the outside I’m conflicted with who I am as an individual. It seems that I know who I am and where I feel most comfortable, but I want something different, something I’m not and in the long run I don’t want to be either.
I’ve always been one to enjoy going out for food, drinking hot tea, wearing skirts and frilly socks like some kind of grownup child, having a couple cocktails with my girl friends, reading books with beautiful covers and staying in watching movies late at night… However, recently I’ve been wanting to go out in the city and have a crazy night that I might not even remember, fit into a tight dress that will get attention from boys and do stupid things that will make for great stories the next day. I’ve always done ‘cute’ well (probably because I’m tiny being 5’1) and all guys seem to think of me as their little sister of whom they trust, love and want to play fight with… However in the last few weeks, I haven’t wanted to be cute or seen as a sister, I want to be that girl that’s unattainable.
The thing is, I’m trying to be everything all at once. But as my friend stated in her poem, there is so many things that I’m not… I’m not that person that lately I’ve been trying to be… and to be completely honest I’m grateful because I love who I am.
I’m the girl who is innocent and cute, who honestly enjoys homewares and baking. I’m the girl who seems to have missed the stage of rebelling against their parents and instead went straight to the stage of middle-aged mother, always trying to make sure everyone is okay. I’m the girl who can’t tell you of crazy nights out but instead of nice places to eat, good books to read and chilled music to listen to.
So, yes my friend was completely right… about me and about you… there are so many things that we’re not, but there are so many things that we are!